梦境考察-之一左手定则 Dream investigation--The law of your left side

这是梦境，也是现实；是回忆，也是心理分析;是小说，也是一本病历。全凭你随意解读。

Is this is a dream or reality; a memory or psychoanalysis; a novel or a medical history. It is up to you to interpret it.

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原创作者：
楚茹，英国爱丁堡大学教育学硕士，本科就读于华南师范大学文学系。多年的心理咨询经历让她对心理学的沙盘和释梦理论产生了自己独到的见解和研究。

WelcomeHome original author: Churu, Graduated from the University of Edinburgh in MSc Education; South China Normal University in Bachelor of Literature. Many years counselling experiences have given her have a special view of dream interpretation and sandbox theory. 

 “梦中无意识出现的人往往只是代表了那样的一个形象，就好像每个人在梦中都会出现一个你称为母亲但其实并非你母亲的人，那个人是你内心深处真正想要得到的母亲的化身，是母亲这个形象的在你心中的反映而已。”

“See, as I always said, dreams always remind us about something. They are the subconscious that cannot be controlled by logic or moral principles. A dream is a straight line to our heart.”

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live现场的灯光很暗，mini live的气氛也确实只适合深蓝紫黑，太亮的光芒局限于舞台，锁定在主角一身。

舞台音质并不怎么好，噪点很大，真是诋毁了Marco的高音。但是Marco灰色底纹的双排大衣与茶色的卷发都还是使我浑身战栗，心口刺痛的兴奋——换另一个时间来看自己肯定觉得蠢透了——特殊的感情只有在面对发自内心的喜好才能够产生共鸣，传达到身体的时候，思维已经无法控制行为。

这样的气氛一直持续到我突然发现坐在我左旁的男人的手已经伸到了我的怀里。我迅速拍了一下那只怪异的手，它跟触手似的迅速缩了回去，我便不再理会。人多拥挤或是黑暗的地方出现这样的事情我并不觉得奇怪，因而并不打算有任何其他举动。可是没过多久那只手便又伸了过来。

“丫的他想干啥？live还是安静点算了，老子忍你。”只能这样想着，我用力把他的手推了回去，同时抬头狠狠瞪了这个男人一眼。

皮肤黑黄的干瘦男人没有理我的意思，自顾自地放弃了这种单调的骚扰，掏出了一个订书机。

“咔哒”

这样干脆的声音在live巨大的分贝下还是格外清晰，清爽而愉悦。就像即将痊愈的伤疤被狠狠抠下最后的一点血痂后那层新肉惨白的裸露，让我觉得，啊，碍眼的东西消失了，舒服了。

低头一看，我看见了订进了自己皮肤的订书针，可奇怪的是却并没有感觉到太多的疼痛。是黑暗的环境钝化了我的痛觉吗？我不禁怀疑起来。可是重复的声音令人无法思考，我的手上陡然多了一排订书针。

“你到底想干什么？！”我压低了声音，吼了一句。用疑虑作为燃料燃烧的怒火逼我一把将订书机夺过来砸在了地上，不解气似的又夺过了他手中握着的一把钉子，“我让你钉！没钉子了你再钉？！”

 他似乎有将我的声音过滤的能力，很无所谓的又掏出一个订书机。不再钉我的手臂，而是将那台愚蠢的机器放在我的耳边，一下一下地浪费着钉子。

“咔哒”。

“咔哒”。

“咔哒”。

燃烧的木柴具有临界点，超过温度便会炸裂。疼痛可以忍受，却无法再忍受这样固定频率的声音，我狠狠站起身来：“你他妈既然这么喜欢钉人，老子也钉你几下试试？！”这个始终没有听进我一句话的男人终于对我的话有了反应，迅速站起身来准备跑。

 “跑什么跑？有本事钉我就不让我钉你了是不是？！你能干的事就不让我干了是不是？！”心里一阵窝火，我狠狠一脚踹了上去，目的地是他的腰，却不知道踢中没有。

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0

 The light was really dark. The only spot lamp had been used in the centre of the stage, on Marco, the vocal. Besides, the sound quality wasn’t good enough either and it made a lot of noise. Even so, I was really excited about the song Marco sang until I suddenly found that the hand of the man that was sitting on my left hand side had thrust into my arms. I quickly slapped that strange hand, then it shrank back quickly. However, not more than one minute later, that hand stretch to come over again.

 “What the hell are you doing? It’s live here? I growled and pushed his hand back. When I was staring at him, I found a thin, short man with dark yellow skin.

 This man gave me no words. Instead, he took out a stapler, and punched a staple into my arm.

 “Click.”

 That disgusting creature didn't stop hurting me.

 “Click.”

“Click.”

“Click.”

 Without saying anything.

 I looked at my arm with huge anger, though I didn't feel too much pain with my arm. “What do you want?!” I yelled with a deep voice. “You want to hurt me? You really love this feeling do you? How about I do it to you?” I grabbed the stapler and start to staple his arm. The man who never listened to me, replied to my action for the first time, he quickly stood up and prepare to run.

 “You want to escape? How dare you?” This guy really annoyed me so I gave him a big kick in his waist.

1

这一脚踹到了床帘，床帘连着的铁架发出的巨响惊醒了我自己，也吓醒了我整个宿舍的舍友——好在已经是早上七点半左右，起床时间——爬起来记下了这样的一个梦境，我下床去向她们道歉。

一个小时后，我确认自己在睡眠中确实做出了踢的动作，因为我的左腿开始抽筋疼痛。

1

 It was a real kick. I suddenly woke up from this nightmare as well as all of my flatmates, who had been woken by my kick. I apologised to all of them and wrote down this dream in my notebook.

2

“嗯，在梦中狠狠踢了一脚啊？很有力量，不错啊……你上一次这样发火是在什么时候？”我的老师在她的蓝色的Gambol笔记本上迅速做完笔记，抬起头来看我，使我不得不去正视那双眼睛。

“去年吧，去年和EX分手的时候大吵一架，大概也是这样吓到了全宿舍。”

 “时间呢？”

 “春季吧，我记得刚开学没多久。大致就是这个时间，三月四月间。”

 “所以我经常说，梦境时常是在提醒着我们什么的。梦境是一种不受逻辑和伦理控制的潜意识，是我们与内心沟通的一条真实无阻的道路。”

 “等等，这个梦的时间，难道说？”

 “是的，这个男人坐在你的左侧，左侧在心理学中往往象征着过去的一些事物。”

 “是吗？难道说那个男的代表的就是我EX？长得一点都不像啊？”那个胖子经常喊着减肥却该吃照吃，还老来跟我说今天打球运动了明天扭伤手了。

 “梦中无意识出现的人往往只是代表了那样的一个形象，就好像每个人在梦中都会出现一个你称为母亲但其实并非你母亲的人，那个人是你内心深处真正想要得到的母亲的化身，是母亲这个形象的在你心中的反映而已。”老师背对着阳光，头发散发着金棕色的光，我的目光时不时从她的脸部涣散再凝聚，眼睛越来越干涩。

 “这样说的话，隔了一年的同一个世界做了这样一个梦，其实也并非是巧合了？”

 “嗯，你的潜意识在替你发泄。大概你与这个男人之间有些没法沟通的地方吧。”

 “哎哟，太多了。”老师你简直是我的知心蛔虫。

 “梦里他总是拿手捅你，还拿订书机订你，可是就是不跟你说话，你们的交流方式有些奇怪呢。”

 “……我们之间蛮复杂的。”我回答得不假思索，但不想做更多解释。

 “你还没能放得下。”要凝聚视线真的好难。

 “可是这已经是一年前的事情了，我觉得我已经基本放下了。”

 “不，你没有。”

 “……。”老师的肯定句击碎了我最后的一点侥幸。

 “没那么容易能够放下的，所以你踹了他一脚。”

 “这是我的表达方式吗？”

 “是的，潜意识就是这样的东西，在无形之中帮助你。这也是我为什么希望你能够记录梦境，每一次的梦都是与潜意识的交流，是一种释放的过程。”

 “现实中我是不会这样做的。”

 “所以才叫做非现实。”

 我把视线转移到书架上，一本一本扫描着各种各样的书名，老师家没有中文书籍，书脊上90°垂直于水平线的拉丁字母读起来很痛苦。

 书架上的沙盘模具箱里，耶稣被钉在十字架上，可是看起来并不痛苦。

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2

 “You gave someone a kick in your dream? Nice, it means power. When was the last time that you felt such anger?” My tutor was staring at me after she took notes in her blue notebook, which made me compelled to look at her.

 “Last year maybe? When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. ”

 “When?”

 “Last spring at this time, around March or April.”

 “See, as I always said, dreams always remind us about something. They are the subconscious that cannot be controlled by logic or moral principles. A dream is a straight line to our heart.”

 “Wait, do you mean that…?”

 “Yes, this man who was sitting on your left hand side. In Psychology, left means something in the past.”

 “Really? So you mean that guy represents my ex? He didn't look like him at all.”

 “Well people that appear in dreams are usually just symbols. It represents who you want it to be. Probably your subconscious is helping you to vent your anger. Maybe it’s because in the past you and your ex had bad communication.” My tutor said gently.

 “How do you know about this. We did have bad communication.” I was surprised by her as usual.

 “Because in the dream he was annoying you, using something to hurt you but never wanted to speak with you. It’s really a strange way to converse in a couple.”

 “Well yeah, it’s a long story…” I said.

 “In your dream you kick him finally, that's how you react to the way he treated you. This is what we call subconscious. It can help you without letting you know. This is also why I want you to keep writing down your dreams. Remember, your dream is a conversation with your subconscious. It will help you release.”

 “If it happened in real life, I won’t do that.”

 “That’s why we say it’s unreality.”

未完待续......

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