Stella Qin ![]() 来到爱丁堡两个月,依然会时不时为古老的建筑心醉,为每天的日出日落惊喜。爱这个地方,就像爱一个灵魂的居所。 我爱极了这里的石板路,相比于熟悉的柏油马路,这里更有静谧的情调,好像每一条未知的路都可以通向秘密花园。困扰的是,在这样的路上行走,笨拙如我,穿着平底鞋还会崴脚,拯救我的是行李箱中的两瓶云南白药。 我享受这里的学术氛围,自由讨论,没有任何一个问题有确定的答案,没有任何一本书指定一个权威的结论,我更敢于妄想之前不敢做的课题,更加多元化地看待这个世界。偶尔会想念坐在教室最后偷偷打盹的日子,以及陪自己打盹的小伙伴。 这里有城市的喧嚣,如王子街上熙熙攘攘的人群。一天可以碰到好几拨中国游客,相比于他们脸上的兴奋与惊喜,你就像已经住在这里两年一样淡定老练,脚步匆匆。只有这时,才能最清晰地意识到,自己并不能真正轻松地观景,而是身负紧张的学业。 这里亦有乡村的空旷,随便搭一部公交都可以一路看着无边的田野,悠哉吃草的牛羊,直到开阔的海边。公交车没有报站功能,司机因此成了重要的人物,为你答疑解惑,售票找零,如果你额外要求,还可以为你提醒到站。于是你必须习惯下车时跟司机说声谢谢。 超市里却是另一番样子,自己抱着一堆东西到机器处结账,一个一个扫码,称重,付账,装袋,走人。当然,热情的服务员还是会站在你需要时就可以招手求救的不远处,为你解决一些其实很白痴的问题。 这里的人们礼貌有节,结账时总是在两米开外排队静候,进出时总是为身后的人留住门。每个人都行色匆匆,却没有人对周围人流露出不耐烦的神情。每天都要说很多谢谢和抱歉,奇怪的是,在中超结完帐对收银员用中文说完谢谢之后,自己却尴尬了一下。 渐渐习惯了九点才开始的早晨,一点才开始的午餐,甚至两点。忍受中午没有正餐,只吃三明治。因为没有了午休,开始依赖咖啡。当然,点咖啡的时候也越来越熟练:大杯,美式,加奶,并且在为自己构思一个炫酷的星巴克名。只是每当想喝珍珠奶茶的时候还是要亲自下厨去煮,一边深深地怀念满街的都可、贡茶、50岚。 我喜欢吃炸鱼薯条,对我来说很幸运,但闲暇的时候,我会为自己炒一份拿手的蛋炒饭。有一次家里大米耗空,我竟做了一份蛋炒通心粉,拿着筷子津津有味地吃起来。 有趣的是,比饮食更难适应的或许是点名,为了方便别人喊我,所有课堂上都用英文名Stella,就好像我用另外一个人格活在这个地方,像Stella寓意的那样,追求星星的永恒璀璨,遥远却温暖。这个人格原先就存在,却在这里得到夸大。 或许因为,在这里我可以到处席地而坐,舒展自己。可以允许自己发福,仍可以穿上小码的衣服。说错话也不怕丢脸,不管怎样英语不是我母语,人们会谅解。而人们依然像几百年前一样,对中国的一切充满好奇,所以永远不缺少谈资。所以有了虚张声势的自信,久而久之也就真的泰然自若了。 爱这个地方,就像爱一个灵魂的居所,我的身体是自由的,思想是自由的,偶尔有一些乡愁。 ![]() It’s been two months since I came to Edinburgh. I still feel charmed by the old buildings from time to time, and feel fascinated by the sunrise and sunset every day. I love this place, like loving a habitat of my soul. I especially love the cobbled streets here, containing a sentiment, different from the asphalt street which I am familiar with. It seems like every road leads to a secret garden. The trouble is, walking on these roads for clumsy me feels dangerous and I could sprain my ankle. What saved me was the Yunnan Baiyao in my luggage. I enjoy the academic environment here with the free discussion. There is no right answer for certain questions. There is no authoritative conclusion in any books. I feel free to try applying crazy ideas to my projects. I also turn to look at the world in a more pluralistic way. Sometimes I miss those days when I sat in back of the classroom nodding off, and those who nodded off with me. Here I feel the city's noises, like the bustling crowd on Princes Street. I come across numbers of Chinese tourists every time. Compared with the excitement on their face, I’m acting like I’ve already been here for two years, proficiently and nonchalantly, walking in a hurry. Only then do I realize that I’m not able to take in the view with real ease, and that I’m actually burdened with stressful school work. But here I also see open countryside. Taking whatever bus brings me the view of boundless field, unrestrained cattle and sheep, and ultimately the open seaside. Buses don’t announce the stops, which gives the drivers an important role, answering questions, selling tickets, and reminding you of the stops if you ask. So I must get into the habit of saying thank you to the driver when getting off. However, things in supermarkets are the opposite. I have to take a basket of things to the machine, to put them over the scanner and scale one by one, bag them and then pay. Surely I can get help when necessary from the servers standing beside me. They always patiently solve some little problems for me. People here are usually very polite. They queue up from two meters away when waiting to pay. They hold the door for people following behind. Every one is in a hurry but no one shows impatience to others. I say dozens of ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ everyday. What amazed me is when I said thanks in Chinese to the cashier in the Chinese supermarket, I suddenly felt awkward. I’m gradually used to not starting the morning till 9a.m., lunch at 1p.m. or even 2p.m. I start to accept informal lunches, sometimes a sandwich only. Without noon break, I become dependent on coffee. Of course I no longer hesitate to name the coffees. And I’m even thinking about giving myself a cool Starbucks name. I feel a little bit sad though, when I miss bubble milk tea. I can only make it by myself, while cherishing the memory of so many bubble milk tea shops in my hometown. Luckily, I enjoy the fish and chips. But when there is leisure time, I always make egg fried rice for my supper which is my forte. I remembered once there was no rice at home, I creatively cooked egg fried pasta, and ate them happily with a pair of chopsticks. What’s interesting is, for me, the roll call is more difficult to adapt to than the food. I’d better use my English name, considering the convenience for most people. To use the name Stella feels like I’m living here with another personality. Like Stella means star, that part of my personality is pursuing permanent brightness, distant, but also warm. It has long existed though, it gets magnified here. Nevertheless I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I can sit on the ground everywhere, stretching myself to the extreme here. Maybe it’s because I can allow my greater appetite since I can still fit in size s here. Maybe it’s because I’m not afraid of losing face when I say something wrong, as English is not my mother language, I think I will be excused. Besides, I never lack topics here because people are curious about China the way they were hundreds of years ago. Hence, I get false confidence. And as time goes by, I truly become confident and cool. I love this place, like loving a habitat of my soul. My body is unconstrained; my thinking is flowing; while nostalgia occasionally catches me.
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November 2018
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